Secret Touch

This secret is trapped eternally
Pushed so far away.
Secluded deep inside of me
Where it’s supposed to stay.

Confining words can hurt too much
The pain is strong and deep.
Putting all my beliefs aside now
This secret I can’t keep.

This is what I will share
So continue reading if you care...

I was playing outside by myself
At the mere age of four.
He came along on a summer day
A man I’d never seen before.

He spoke to me and he called me his friend
Making me feel content.
He could make me smile by his kind words
And the patience that he lent.

I watched him work as I played near him
As we talked about my day.
He listened to every word that I told him
Wanting to hear what I had to say.

One day I fell but when I awoke, he said
That I would be alright.
He stopped my tears and he hugged me
As he held me close to him tight.

He then carried me home in his arms
Comforting me while he walked.
He told me to come back when I felt better
He we could play and talk.

A few days later I went to see him
There was a smile on his face.
And then my friend turned into a stranger
That’s when the touching first took place.

He took off my clothes as I stood there
I wasn’t afraid, only confused.
Thinking that’s what all good friends
Are supposed to do.

I fell again a few times more
I woke up with him feeling me.
He put his hand inside my body
Telling me not to flee.

Over three years he touched my whole body
And he forced me to touch him.
When I went to school all day, I couldn’t see him
Which left me feeling grim.

For three years I let him invade my own body
Never pushing him away.
He said we were friends and it was normal
So everything was okay.

For three years I let him do what he wanted
I didn’t tell a soul.
Convincing me that it was a good thing
I gave him full control.

Now he is gone and I actually  miss him
But long ago we said our goodbyes.
When he got fired from his job
It was then our friendship died.

I feel very foolish for never telling him to stop
That just encouraged him to go on.
I feel very senseless for actually believing
That what he was doing was not wrong.

His death leaves me sad and it leaves me bewildered
He was my very first friend.
After all these years I can still feel his touch
Will that feeling ever end?

I’ve released the secret I’ve hid from the world
Too ashamed to ever share.
But I’d like you to know if you continued to read this
It surprises me that you care.